Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
