you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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