I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize