I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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