I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
