I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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