There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
