wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
