Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
