for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
