remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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