Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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