one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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