I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
