Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
