I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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