first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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