I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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