If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
