Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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