It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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So squirting runs in the family.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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