By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
