Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
