do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
