You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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