My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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