Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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