if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize