nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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