She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
