Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
