Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
