i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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