Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
