I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
