Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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