Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
