So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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