For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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