her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
