I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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