I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
