Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize