And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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