i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
