i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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