Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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