Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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