if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
