Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
