if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
