You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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