So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
