btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
