He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
