and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
