My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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