you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize