i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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