a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
