But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
where am i from again
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
