do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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